pain

I don’t often write on here about my illness any more.  And I guess that’s a good thing as it means things are improving.

But one of my aims when starting this blog was to share my experiences as I live through myeloma; and one of the major factors of that is, unfortunately, pain.

The pain is different now to when I was first diagnosed.  After all I had a broken back – my L3 vertebrae had effectively dissolved causing absolutely excruciating lower back pain.  There was a very real fear at one stage that I would be permanently paralysed.

Then I had to endure a bone marrow biopsy which was more uncomfortable than painful, followed by a lumbar puncture which was the exact opposite.  And then there was back surgery and my recovery from that.  That hurt.  A lot.  When I had my pulmonary embolism I had to have arterial blood taken which, believe me, was incredibly painful.

Now though, and largely thanks (if thanks is the right word) to the above, I have no real understanding of pain.  My lower back where I had my surgery still hurts a lot.  I get other bone pain too, mainly in my ribs, knees and upper back, and lately also in my right arm. It keeps me awake at night and affects my ability to do things during the day.  But the funniest thing, and the point of this rant I guess, is that I am unable to gauge precisely how bad the pain really is as I’m now so accustomed to it.

Perhaps the best example is my right arm.  Sometimes when I pick things up I wince and drop them immediately.  But the pain to me doesn’t feel that bad.  It obviously is otherwise I wouldn’t react the way I do but…

It’s a really strange feeling.  Trust me.

I have painkillers to take obviously but I don’t like taking them all the time due to the side effects they cause, principally with my stomach and (to put it politely) my digestive system!  That’s a blog entry on its own one day when I’m feeling brave!

So there we are.  That’s how things stand at present.

It hurts…

I think.