same time next year

For the past few years I've made the annual pilgrimage to Parc le Breos on Gower to see and photograph the lovely, abundant bluebell wood there.

But not this year.  Ill health means I'm just not physically able to make the half-hour or so walk there and back, even with the help of my family.  And I've really missed not seeing the flowers and the wild garlic that accompanies them along with that wonderful aroma this year.

All is not lost though.  On one of my walks recently I spotted a small clump (yes, that's the scientific term / collective noun for bluebells!) growing in the verge next to the path I was strolling along.  Sadly, the wild garlic doesn't grow near us, but beggars can't be choosers.

Fujifilm X-T5, Fujinon 100-400 f4.5-5.6 @ 135mm
1/125th of a second at f5.2, ISO 125
handheld

Anyway, I have some not great news to share with you.

Following my second dose of chemotherapy I suffered a very nasty reaction to the drugs.  I had severe chest pains and breathlessness which were bad enough.  But then I suffered a really scary arrhythmia, with my heart racing and struggling to find any rhythm.

This lasted for around four hours (and I suffered a second equally lengthy and scary one the next day).  I really should have telephoned the hospital, but we were enjoying a family weekend celebrating my daughter's birthday and, rightly or wrongly, I put them first.

After eventually meeting with my haematology team, it was decided that any treatment should stop immediately.

Depending on the results of a cardiac review, I may or may not be able to resume treatment.  In my own mind though I've decided that I really don't want any more cancer treatment.  I honestly feel the risks are too high.  I genuinely feel I will live longer without chemotherapy drugs.

So, there we are.  Now I just want to enjoy life rather than worrying about treatments and side effects that will no doubt stop me doing what I want to do.  Quality of life is paramount.

Sorry to burden you all with this, but when I started this blog one of its core values was honesty. I didn't want to dress up my illness or make myself out to be some über-brave cancer warrior and I know that some of my readers appreciate my openness. 

Right, back to this week's image, and you can watch a short video I made documenting my sunny morning stroll just by clicking below: