the isolation diaries - week twelve

I'm not going to be political this week.  I promise.

What I've been mainly thinking about this week is my own health.  I've not been feeling too well: lack of energy, heavy night sweats (sorry, unpleasant I know) and random but regular muscle cramps.

Now, I've gone through spates of these symptoms before, and I always worry that they may be signs of my myeloma returning.  But I now have the added worry that they may be something else.  And it's that "something else" that got me thinking.

One thing cancer has taught me is the ability to live with the unknown.  I don't know from week to week or month to month what my body is doing or storing up to hurt me with.  So, coronavirus is just another added part of that unknown.

I lived through a period where I had literally no immune system.  Any infection was potentially lethal and life was a constant round of checking my temperature and making sure I wasn't exposed to any unnecessary risk.  We had very few visitors, and none outside our close family circle.  And nobody came near if they had even the mildest sniffle. 

In October 2015, three months after my stem-cell transplant and still with virtually zero immunity I went to a friend's 50th birthday party.  We didn't stay long but that evening was a round of people hugging me, shaking my hand and generally invading my personal space.  I shouldn't have gone.  It was stupid but I wanted to celebrate my friend's birthday.

Anyway, I spent the next three weeks or so worried that I'd contracted something.  Something that would have been so trivial to one person that they'd have taken it in their stride but that could have easily developed into something far worse for me.

Corinne and me taking risks in September 2015!

Life is full of risks.  We take risks every time we leave our homes.  We could be the victim of an accident, or a crime, or catch some virus.  What we don't do is lock ourselves away in fear of that happening.  We live our lives.

And I think going forward we will all have to weigh up the risks that this new virus poses to us and decide whether that risk (along with any new measures to mitigate it and the degree of worry afterwards) is worth taking for the reward at the end of it.

If we don't start soon then the social, economic and mental health implications will be dire.  We may never recover.

Now, I know people will say that's just being selfish and that you could be asymptomatic and pass on the virus to someone vulnerable.  But it's for that vulnerable person to decide whether they should be putting themselves at risk or not. 

Just like I did back in October 2015.