this is really very stressful

I can still remember the conversation I had with a haematologist back in early 2014.

I'd been diagnosed with a pre-cancerous condition called MGUS.  It leads, more often than not, to multiple myeloma.  But as an otherwise fit and reasonably healthy fifty year old, I was told that my blood test results were remaining stable and that I'd not have to worry about developing full blown myeloma until much, much later in life.

By the end of 2014 my spine had been shattered by cancerous lesions.  We'd taken our collective eye off the ball, and myeloma snuck in through the back door.  I'm mixing my metaphors I know!

Back in late April my latest round of blood tests were concerning enough for me to have to have some scans to look for those same dangerous lesions on my bones.  I had to wait until early June to get an appointment but that's not the worst of things.

I don't know why, I photographed a fly...

Here we are, five weeks later, and still no sign of any results from those scans.  I'm told there is a shortage of radiologists to analyse the images.  

That really doesn't help me though.

It feels like focus has been lost.  Eyes have been taken off the ball again.  The worry that I might need treatment to stave off fractures, and that that treatment is being delayed is what is causing me the most stress and worry.  It feels like a repeat of 2014 all over again and before we know it I'll be back in the same agonising position.

Obviously, my main hope is that there are no lesions present, and that therefore I don't need any radiotherapy to deal with them.   But back in 2014 the sessions I did have were too late.  The damage had been done.  It just seems like we could be repeating that whole situation.

Now, I realise I'm not the only person waiting for scan results, and that I must wait my turn.  This doesn't help with the stress of it all though.