assault and battery

I've been in hospital far too long.  Since about 11 December I think.

And last night I experienced the strangest night not just of my time here, but for a very long time indeed.

At around 1.30am I awoke with the sense that all was not well.  Leaning over me was the shadowy figure of what I could make out was a female.  Was I dreaming?  Hallucinating?

Neither.

I realised this figure was an actual human form when she sruck me twice across my face and then tried to get into my bed!  There then ensued what can only be described as the "Battle of the Blankets".  Me clinging on for dear life, she trying  equally hard to remove them from my grasp.

I called out for help, rang my buzzer, called again and quickly there was help on its way.

It turned out the lady (I shall still call her that for I am after all a gentleman at heart) had become disorientated after a visit to the bathroom and thought she had returned to her own bed to find an interloper (i.e. me) in it.

An easy mistake to make in a dark hospital I guess.

Suffice to say I didn't regain any sleep last night.

But there is good news.  Tomorrow I go home.  My near 5 weeks in hospital are at an end.  I will sleep soundly in my own bed safe in the knowledge that the only person likely to lash out at me is my wife after I call her for the umpteenth time tomorrow to come and plump my pillows.