is this the end?

I’ve often wondered how the human race will eventually die out.

Will it be war?  Disease? Famine?  Natural disaster?  Asteroid strike?

Well I’ve now worked it out.  And the overwhelming answer is that men will eventually become too scared to even speak to a member of the opposite sex let alone, heaven forbid, try to mate with one.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’m in no way defending the despicable behaviour of men who prey on women for their own gratification.  Such individuals are not worthy of oxygen.  And I don’t have a misogynistic cell in my body.

But I read today that a man in Scotland was arrested for chatting women up on the street.  He was then charged with what the police have described as “predatory behaviour”.  Now there may be more to this than meets the eye, but still there is a rather frightening trend developing here.

When I was growing up, us lads would often swap chat up lines in an even more often futile attempt to impress a girl you fancied.  The worst thing that could happen is that you’d be told to get lost (or words to that effect) and your ego would be dented. 

Now, though, I foresee a time when men will genuinely be too terrified to speak to women for fear of saying something, anything, that could be construed in any way demeaning, predatory or misogynistic.  Will a male be able to tell a female that she looks attractive?  Or will this lead to immediate offense, a probable arrest and ten years on the sex offenders register?  The donning of aftershave prior to a night out will incur five years imprisonment.  Wolf-whistling will probably result in summary execution.

I really do wonder these days.

Anyway, fellas, before you kiss your wife goodnight or tell her how wonderful she looks in that new dress, it might probably be best to get written permission and outline the legal terms and conditions pertaining to your compliment or any actual physical contact first.  If you can get something signed, then all the better.  At least then you’ll have something to show the police when they kick your door in later.

you may now kiss the br….

Actually, before I do, I need you to sign this contract to state that this kiss in no way constitutes anything of a sexual nature or is in any way connected with any attraction felt towards you, the bride from me your now husband, the groom.   it is merely a traditional way to end the marriage ceremony and is not intended to offend or cause any distress to you or anyone watching this marriage either today or in the future via whatever means.

Is that the police?